Growing up, Good Friday was my favorite day on the Christian calendar. Why? Because the brutality of that day, more than any other, reinforced my understanding of the world. My understanding of the crucifixion both legitimized and gave meaning to my self-understanding. In a very twisted way, it both affirmed and normalized my cognitive reality.

Tonight, I’m learning to fall in love with Good Friday again, but it’s been quite a journey to reach a place where that’s possible. Here are a few thoughts on then and now.

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No, this is not a call for a Royal Rumble, a Battle Royal, or a Steel Cage Match that pits therapist vs pastor. I believe both serve valuable roles in our society. At the same time, the roles are different, and quite often, a good pastor can lay the groundwork for a good therapist.

This post aims to help you understand the therapist vs pastor distinction and decide which one you need. In the end, if you need a pastor, I’m here to help.

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I never imagined spending a semester as a guest professor at an international seminary would prompt a theological crisis. Yet that’s exactly what happened in 2010 while teaching at the Lutheran Theological Seminary in Tshwane (Pretoria), South Africa.

When I arrived in South Africa, externally, I was on top of the world. A recently finished ministry leave of absence designed to focus on family issues was behind me. Based on the metrics established, the time was successful. It was time to step back into the limelight as an international guest professor. Given that teaching is an area of strength and a role that inspires confidence, I was ready to shine.

But internally, I was a mess. My life, a house of cards built on the easily shaken table of performance-based acceptance. Feelings of unworthiness fueled a sex addiction. But rather than seeking help, I denied the existence of my addiction and thought finding my ministry groove would make the temptation go away.

Then came my theological crisis.

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This is the eulogy I delivered for my Granny on January 8, 2015. She died on December 31, 2014. A week before at Christmas, she was as lively as ever.

She was a beautiful woman whose really found herself later in life. Her energy, grace, and love remind me that it’s never too late to discover play!

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